Have You Lost Faith?
I have lost faith in humanity. Not trust… faith. Writing this is bringing me to tears. Disappointments, lack of trust, uncertainty, and so much more. I AM NOT B.S-ing here! I mean this from the bottom of my heart.
I cannot believe I just typed this. I am told I have so much belief in others and their vision – and I do! Seriously, I really do. However, today that isn’t the case.
Loss of Faith in Humanity
There is so much talking going on, lips are moving, but nothing of substance is being said. It’s all ‘I need this I want this, I will call you, let’s do this,’ however, commitments are constantly dropped, or even worse – they aren’t even started. People are all talk and no intention. So why waste the oxygen? Why add to the noise, just to be noisy? Please explain.
Loss of Faith in Humanity
I have lost faith in myself. I have gone through such a transition this year (at 57 years young), that I have lost faith in me. Hence I lose faith in others. I’m not talking about not keeping commitments because I do and sometimes I need to realign them; I am talking about a loss of faith deep down.
I cannot control anything (no one can); I can just manage. I want out of my skin, I cannot handle my dogs being sick, and quite frankly, I’m tired of sick dogs. I feel like a horrible fur-parent. I watch and listen to others and their surrender to God, and I feel I get nothing.
Loss of Faith in Myself
The Hag in the attic strikes, she comes flying down the stairs because there is an opportunity here. I allow her to fill my head with garbage. The questioning begins, am I good enough? Why am I doing this? How come others receive joy from God, and I don’t? Why do people tell me I am great? Any of this BS sound familiar?
I have people saying to me ‘we are inviting you to this and that,’ only to never reach out to me! So why say it? To fill the air? Well, don’t because I breathe that air and I want it clean. It’s tough enough with all the other pollution out there.
Managing Myself
News flash, I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER! My fence isn’t pure white. I do know that I am still managing my personal Hag, and some days it is a struggle. That Hag places high standards in my head, she plays the recording of cricket sounds on full blast, then when that’s over, she starts with God (which she isn’t – she’s more like the devil). I know He isn’t there; He is busy with others…but she loves to torment me
Again, does this sound familiar?
Where to begin to place her back in the Attic? Well, I wrote this through tears and smiles. I’m going to log off from all my social media noise because this is the Hag’s favorite stomping ground. I’m going to go for a walk, go out to lunch and stay clear of my computer! Oh, and yes, I reached out to my ‘sounding ear,’ Sheila Kennedy.
Finding Faith
Will I find faith in myself again? Well, yes, of course, I will, but will it go south again? Well yes, because I am human and nothing is perfect here.
I am learning to love my Hag; I am also learning to be careful not to let her take over like she wants to. More importantly, I am learning to Love myself DAILY and to let go of my expectations of what kind of dog mom I shou
ld be. I am letting go of what I think God is supposed to provide for me (Oh my, the biggest joke here!). I am letting go of the expectations of others because I do not and cannot control them. I am just letting go and drinking faith.
Do you want to join me?
Peace,
Kim
I frequently lose faith in those around me and I think partly the pace of this world nowadays is to blame, people say things and probably mean well at the time but don’t follow up on them because other life events get in the way… I however always a person of my word and don’t promise things that I cannot fulfil!
I am with you Tiffany! Do not say them if you can follow through. Period!
I think it’s hard not to lose faith in the world around us sometimes when such awful things are happening. It’s not so good to lose faith in ourselves though. I admire your approach – realising we can’t control things is definitely a positive step in the right direction.
Thank you, Rachel. I am a recovering control freak, so I surrender and manage, not always easy!
It’s difficult not to lose faith in the world at times. We are in the midst of since crazy uncertain times. Realising you can’t control everything is a good, vital first step. Easier said than done I know, I’m a control freak myself!
Yes indeed! I know what you mean about controlling!
I admire your honesty about your faith being shaken. I hear you, and it’s hard not to feel like that when there’s so much chaos and negativity in the world. Walking away from the source of stress (social media/computer) is a great start to get yourself back on the path. I hope that you have taken time for yourself, recovered, and found your way again!
Thank you, Tana, I have. It has been an amazing year of doing just that!
I find it so interesting that all humans now matter how collected or together they seem to be on the outside all suffer from a loss of faith at certain times. Its like an emotional ‘circadian rhythm’
Kind of annoying at times but in the moments where Im aware that its coming I usually just lock myself in a room and listen to Jazz (seems to be how I cope with it)
I love your tool of coping.
I do not believe that there are many people who truly believe they have it all together. You are not alone. Good for you for sheer honesty, much growth comes from that.
Thank you, Elise! xx
Wow. This was so me today! I am the ONLY one that attempts to get together with my friends, and I’ve decided not to try anymore. Maybe that sounds sad, but why do I try so hard just for them to ignore my invite or flake after they said they would show up? Also, my own Hag was hard at work today. I like calling her ‘Hag’. I can picture her which will make it easier to tell her to go away 🙂
I so feel you, Bri! Use some affirmations and go about your amazing life. If we lived closer….
it can be hard to have faith in the worlds now these days with so much negative things happening. and sometimes you can lose faith in yourself too but it’s always best to think positive.
Yes, I agree!
Well done for admitting it which can’t be always be easy. As you said, we’re all human and have ups and downs. Realising and accepting that we can’t control the expectations of others (especially people close to us) is also huge. I totally agree about social media too. People show us their ‘perfect lives’ which can tap into all our own insecurities about where we are. Truth is, their lives are normally no better than ours.
I’ve been struggling with faith in humanity lately. This is a great piece.
Thank you, Melissa, I hope you are able to work through this.