A Peace of ME in Self-Inner Chaos!

Several years ago I was having lunch with a friend, and I shared with her how sick my anxiety was making me. My mouth was nasty in the midst of the ‘high’ (more like a locomotive out of control on the tracks going to crash hard and fast) and the people closest to me got the brunt of this. I would sleep to rest after it, but my chest would pound so loud I couldn’t drift off, so then another restless night enhanced the deprivation of my health. I was trying to seek peace within my choatic body, my chaotic mind.

The Best Shape ofMy Life!

When this was going on, I was in the best physical shape of my life; teaching spinning classes, power walking, strength and cardio training but I couldn’t walk up the stairs without my heart pounding through my chest. What is up with that, and then falling to fatigue? We were in the midst of a major renovation, and there were two places I would dread going, One- our new home (I had to climb the stairs to check out progress) and two- entering the spinning classroom; there were stairs to get in. My heart would explode, and then I would go home and sleep for a few hours. I knew I had to do something.

My Life Would Change Over Lunch

At lunch with my friend, I was sharing this with her, and she had asked if I needed a referral for a therapist. I said sure, why not? So I took the referral, but things really changed when she asked me if I would be interested in a women’s weekend retreat? I said, yes, I didn’t care how much, when or where. I just wanted to be there.

That fall I stepped into the unknown (I didn’t know where I was going or who I was going with). I was done living the way I was living, or so I had thought.

I was invited to attend a pre-gathering before the retreat but declined because we were moving. I still went to the retreat in June. I had a lot of paperwork to fill out before arriving, and I realized I was asking for peace within me for this weekend.

I arrived promptly to discover they were running a bit behind, so more paperwork had to be filled out, and I had to agree in writing not to leave the weekend retreat until it was completed. (Well, my hag was a kicking, LOL. I hated being told what to do, and my immediate thoughts were, who can make me stay, I have my keys, and I will leave whenever I want!) Boy, did I need help. So I unpacked, turned off my phone and even placed it in my car….for the whole weekend! It was all or nothing!

I Dove in With Both Feet & More

I was ready to dive in… until they brought all eighteen of us together to close the circle and dance to awaken the spiritual energies. WHAT THE WHAT??? You had better believe at this point I was asking myself, What the hell did I just pay for? But I stayed. The next morning, I seriously wanted out, but after another “spiritual exercise” where I had to ccompletelysurrender, trust, work with my hands with a piece of clay I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. This was so powerful for me. I settled in.

On the third day, we were doing some silent contemplating while walking around the grounds of the retreat. It was cloudy, spitting a bit of rain. The herons were talking, and other birds were chirping. I stood and realized how generous God is with these amazing gifts. I decided I had had enough of the light rain and was going to journal by the fireplace. Before I moved, I looked up to the sky and silently said to God, “All I want is peace within.” I paused….and what happened next was nothing short of miraculous!

Before taking that step towards the building, I looked down and saw something on the ground. I thought it was a rock, but it was a PEACE SIGN CHARM!

Miracles Do Happen Every day!

This charm had been out there for a long time! It was half buried under the dirt and turned upside down. This brought me to my knees with tears in my eyes. I knew right then and there that miracles happen, and there is a God! I had been asking for this for quite some time, however, after departing from this weekend, I still wasn’t ready to turn fully to my spiritual growth, I stepped back into old ways.

A few years later is when another huge ‘ah-ha’ moment came to me, and I knew that this was it. The time to breath, slow down, step back into this women’s work and dedicate time to cleaning my anxiety and the lies I told myself.

Peace Signs Rock!

Peace signs have become very predominant in my life for this reason. The word ‘Peace’ also means blessing to others when you say the word. When I sign off my blogs with the word ‘Peace,’ I am blessing you for what you need at that moment.

You will always find two peace sign necklaces around my neck that have such deep meaning. Each one of them from two very special people. These necklaces get tangled, and I love it because I say I am intertwined with peace.

Peace,

Kim