Standing Up for My Bold Voice
A large part of my self-care regime in the morning is reading devotionals. Hugs, daily inspirations for women is one book and one of the devotions I read this devotion on this particular morning was The Power of Faith. Well, I must say this is really hitting hard with me.
A few weeks ago, I experienced a lot of rejections, and it felt like a kick in the face. I felt funky the whole week—unproductive, off, sluggish and a lot more. By the end of the week, I couldn’t move. I was exhausted and couldn’t face any more negativity.
Tears
I was questioning everything about my existence. I was allowing my Hag to really dominate and take over my mindset. She ramped up my doubt and fears, she zapped my energy, and I was questioning what the hell was wrong with me. My morning walk with Grace was filled with tears. We were heading out of town that morning as well, and I was dragging my feet. It felt like a force field was pulling me and refusing to let me leave. I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s the truth, and it’s important to be honest about how we feel.
It turns out that a change of scenery was just what I needed. I was also clear how I needed my friends, my colleagues that I know that wrestle with this as well.
Paralysis
Even though it’s not true, there is something hard-wired in me that feels alone out there when the going gets tough. It’s like a broken record that continuously plays in my head during hard times. I start comparing myself to other women are so successful; then I wonder what’s wrong with me? Do I smell? Why do women ask for my services and then bail? Everyone else is movin’ and shakin’, but I feel paralyzed. Really, I truly felt like a loser that week.
I despise this nasty rabbit hole! All I can do is sit with God and be honest and transparent. This is where it becomes hard to have faith. I have faith in something I cannot touch and feel. I just keep meditating, doing my devotionals, reading, writing, and hiking. The outdoors is where I come down and reconnect with God and myself.
My goal is to manage my reactions better. I teach this, but that doesn’t mean I never stop learning. I belong to the practice what you preach group, so I have a front-row seat.
I will Persist and Persevere.
Even after all that’s happened, I believe my message is too important not to share. I am being called to ramp up my voice, my bold voice— isn’t this what I stand for? To speak up and have those conversations as the bold leader that I am. At times it may be uncomfortable, but isn’t this the place where we grow, empower, and become stronger?
I do know one thing for sure; I don’t know that person that got so upset that weekend, she isn’t me. I really don’t like the voice that was penetrating through my mind. The doubt, fear, and lack of confidence really takes me off kilter. I know for sure, I do not want to be there. I will move forward.
Be Heard, Be You, Be Bold
Peace & Love,
Kim
So sorry you were in a bad place Kim and also that you feel alone when things go wrong. Trust me on one thing though, comparing yourself to others will never bring peace and happiness.
Your perception of them and their lives / successes is very rarely accurate. It’s like the ideal looking lives people post on social media. It’s mostly a load of balls.
Your voice and your message are too important not to be out there
Tell the silly hag in the attic to bin it, you’re much more powerful than her. Sending love and support, always.
Paul, your words are power-filled. Thank you. And yes, the Hag is just that. She needs guidance and put into her place and most time that is easier said than done.
When we compare ourselves, we condemn ourselves. We all do it or have had a bad habit of doing it at some stage in our lives. The rejections just mean you have something even better coming your way and that is not supposed to be where God wants to place you. Stay with him, lean into him and let him guide you in his time 🙂 xxxx
Indeed! So true, Kate and doing all of that and more!
Lord, do I have those moments. Like many, theycarent shared on social media or even outside of our fragile hearts. But we all experience it. Change of scenery is great, talking to trusted friends & colleagues is even better!
Did all of the above! I am learning to negotiate with myself and God during these times.
As someone who always seems to have good solutions for other people when they are struggling and am generally confident and secure in my decisions in life, at those moments where I am not it really hits me hard so I totally relate to everything you’ve said here. It can feel very uncomfortable and rock the foundation of who we feel and believe we are – but we always rise back up again Kim, because that bold voice and faith we have in our ability to be strong is embedded within us and never stays down for long. Hugs x
Yes we do, Tiffany! Thank you for your bold and amazing words!
Sorry to hear you had a tough time. I admire your transparency and strength in sharing your story.
Thank you, Rachel. I hope others read this and know they are not alone, we all experience this!
Blessed be, dear Kim. Oh my, those of us that have had days like this GET IT. What a profound deepening process life is! We are all asked to teach what we need to learn the most – it the sacred calling. It is sacred because we can’t give what we don’t have. Both heartaches and joys you recognize in intimate relationship with yourself can only make you a more effective, skillful and compassionate coach.
Thank you so much. And, yes, we have these days and yes we teach what we walk.