Standing Up for My Bold Voice

A large part of my self-care regime in the morning is reading devotionals. Hugs, daily inspirations for women is one book and one of the devotions I read this devotion on this particular morning was The Power of Faith. Well, I must say this is really hitting hard with me.

A few weeks ago, I experienced a lot of rejections, and it felt like a kick in the face. I felt funky the whole week—unproductive, off, sluggish and a lot more. By the end of the week, I couldn’t move. I was exhausted and couldn’t face any more negativity.

Tears

I was questioning everything about my existence. I was allowing my Hag to really dominate and take over my mindset. She ramped up my doubt and fears, she zapped my energy, and I was questioning what the hell was wrong with me. My morning walk with Grace was filled with tears. We were heading out of town that morning as well, and I was dragging my feet. It felt like a force field was pulling me and refusing to let me leave. I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s the truth, and it’s important to be honest about how we feel.

It turns out that a change of scenery was just what I needed. I was also clear how I needed my friends, my colleagues that I know that wrestle with this as well.

Paralysis

Even though it’s not true, there is something hard-wired in me that feels alone out there when the going gets tough. It’s like a broken record that continuously plays in my head during hard times. I start comparing myself to other women are so successful; then I wonder what’s wrong with me? Do I smell? Why do women ask for my services and then bail? Everyone else is movin’ and shakin’, but I feel paralyzed. Really, I truly felt like a loser that week.

I despise this nasty rabbit hole! All I can do is sit with God and be honest and transparent. This is where it becomes hard to have faith. I have faith in something I cannot touch and feel. I just keep meditating, doing my devotionals, reading, writing, and hiking. The outdoors is where I come down and reconnect with God and myself.

My goal is to manage my reactions better. I teach this, but that doesn’t mean I never stop learning. I belong to the practice what you preach group, so I have a front-row seat.

I will Persist and Persevere.

Even after all that’s happened, I believe my message is too important not to share. I am being called to ramp up my voice, my bold voice— isn’t this what I stand for? To speak up and have those conversations as the bold leader that I am. At times it may be uncomfortable, but isn’t this the place where we grow, empower, and become stronger?

I do know one thing for sure; I don’t know that person that got so upset that weekend, she isn’t me. I really don’t like the voice that was penetrating through my mind. The doubt, fear, and lack of confidence really takes me off kilter. I know for sure, I do not want to be there. I will move forward.

Be Heard, Be You, Be Bold

Peace & Love,

Kim

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