I Don’t Want to Grow Up, I am a Toys-R-Us Kid!
I am singing the Toys-R-Us song! This girl doesn’t want to grow up. Ever. I’m a kid at heart, however, I would love for the adults in my life to grow up. Nice double standard there, huh? The month of February has been hell; my mom had a valve replacement and bypass surgery. She is the primary caregiver for my father who has dementia. When I began taking over some daily tasks to make things easier for them, I was reminded that my mother was the parent. I bit my tongue to prevent myself from saying, “then act like one! Seriously!”
I have decided with aging parents; I don’t want to grow up. Now there is far more to it than not wanting to grow up so let’s back up a bit.
Preparing for those unforeseen life events
We knew my mom was having this surgery soI did everything to prepare myself while continuing to move forward with my life. I believe what we can manage in our lives to do so, not get behind by saying YES to EVERYTHING, then when our unforeseen obstacles happen (flat tires, aging parents, sick kids and so on) we do not spin out of control even more! (Yes I said even more) So here is what I did:
- I cleared my scheduled
- My husband prepped food and came in and out for the dogs in between appointments
- I washed my hands A LOT
- Ate smaller meals (appetite wasn’t the best)
- Doubled up the essential oils
- Took breaks such as by walking and breathing among other things for myself
- Stepped into therapy because a lot of healing was taking place on this relationship, more than I could ever imagine.
I still got sick-darn it! So I sit here, cold and fatigued fighting the first cold I’ve had in years. I ask myself what more can I do?
I have trouble with surrendering, letting go, and relinquishing control. (Yep I am a recovering control freak!) I feel that trying to control everything makes me sick, in more ways than one! (No kidding, Kim!) I haven’t been taking my supplements, which didn’t help either. My adrenals are out of whack, and that can cause a lot of chaos for me. (Stress and fatigue can wreak havoc on the adrenals. Yes, I am an anxiety management expert now! Ha.) I didn’t have a complete handle on myself when I went into all of this. I was behind an eight ball. Hence, I got sick stressed, worn out and not myself.
I really do want everyone in my life to grow up!
Stop complaining and make the changes, or stop calling me. I’ve had 57 years of this, and it is getting worse. I know complaints come with age, but boy do my parents loooove to complain! I have a choice. I can step into their whirlwind of negativity, or move on. Moving on is easier said than done, though, this is why I stepped into getting supported.
I know they have breathed life into me, and I am so grateful. However, do I need to get in the middle of their war? I don’t think so. Then why do I feel that nagging little knife in the pit my stomach?
And The Hag in the Attic begins.
“You should! They are your parents! What will others think of you? Will God turn you away? Aren’t you supposed to soften your heart, Kim?” I think this hag is yet another symptom of my cold.
I need to breathe and schedule some alone time without worrying about the dogs and such. Shut everything off electronics and let my brain settle. Relax and decompress. All will be fine! All will be as shall be.
I will begin with breathing, blogging, and stopping to just sit still for a moment. This may sound simple, but it works! This calms me so I can be empowered for the decisions I need to make for myself as well as others.
We all have things in our lives that are unforeseen. We do not know when this will arise, but we have tools, skills, and choices of how we will handle this. The choice is yours…will you:
- Meltdown and go into overwhelm and stress?
- Drag your personal baggage into everything you do that day?
- Take a few more notches out of your personal esteem and confidence?
OR
Will you surrender to managing all you can for that day or even that moment? Remember we are here to do the best we can with what we have in that very moment. This could be the time to look at everything on your schedule/in your life. Do you feel like you are going to break, feel guilty, fried out and done?
Take some time and start cleaning up YOU! We cannot do it all in one day. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Peace,
Kim
Unfortunately we will grow older but I like you refuse to grow up. We are in the sandwich generation with aging parents that require attention and assistance yet have the younger generation who do the same. Addressing the needs on both sides of us yet we can still have fun and be a kid at heart.
Yes, indeed David. Like yourself with grandbabies, this is a reminder to let loose and be a kid, forget time and have fun. I do not have children, but my dogs remind me of taking breaks and play! 🙂
Love your honesty Kim. You have everything you need to make it through. Getting sick isn’t always a sign of something wrong, sometimes it’s the only reason you will slow down and be still. I think that is one reason why people don’t want to get sick – the stillness stirs things up and that can get messy. Build away my friend! Love what you are doing!
Sheila, thank you! Your love, support, and words mean the world to me!
I’ll always be a child at heart, I believe it keeps me young! My mum went through terrible stress looking after my grandmother when my grandfather was taken by cancer quite suddenly and totally out of the blue. I watched her work herself into the ground keeping two jobs, running two houses, caring for my grandmother and still looking after my brothers at the same time. She refused help from me at first until I forced my way in. Sometimes you need to look after yourself too!
We always need to look after ourselves so we can be better moms, dads, partners, friends and so on!
I can relate to an awful lot of this! I’m an only child so feel quite a responsibility on my shoulders but at the same time I need to keep my own life going. I think it’s a very challenging stage of life for everybody concerned, it’s never going to be easy but if we stay in touch with how we are feeling I think it can be beneficial.
Yes, indeed! Now, lets go skip and hold hands like kids!
Another one here who can relate! It’s so tricky sometimes taking care of everyone else’s needs, but also finding time to look after yourself.
Yes, it is Rachel. You need to schedule and do it!
I am also a recovering control freak, Kim. Distancing yourself from your parents’ negativity is very difficult. I have many of those qualities ingrained in me from being raised in an environment like this (my mother and I have been estranged for more than 2 years now but it was the best decision I’d ever made for myself). My healing journey has been long, eye opening, shameful, frustrating, heartbreaking, beautiful, overwhelming and peaceful. I’ll continue to learn from the lessons for many, many years to come, I am sure! Thank you for sharing this story and reminding me that, albeit quite different, I am not completely alone in my situation. I’m not saying to do what I did, I should also clarify, but I am saying taking a break even though the guilt rears its ugly head, is sometimes necessary for your own health. I know you know, that I know, that you know 😉
Blood is thicker than water, however, it doesn’t mean we need ot stay around when the environment is horrible. Sometimes distance is better than anything else! And yes, taking breaks!